Asking Out Holly Short
by Forever Day
Summary: Chix Verbil asks out Holly Short. Pretty much self-explanatory.
1. Chapter 1: Diary Style

**Pretty much everyone liked this one better, so it's the one I decided to put up. But for those who simply _have _to compare everything I've put the original in the next chapter.**

Sunday 11

I am setting myself a new target for the next two weeks. Get Holly Short, the one elf that has (so far) resisted my charms to give me one date. I've been reading this book 'Easy Pickup Lines That Are Guaranteed to Get You That Girl' which I'm going to try out on her. I'll begin tomorrow

Monday 12

I walked over to Holly Short's table today and asked whether or not the seat next to her was taken. She replied without even a pause "Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down"

Decided to go and sit with a couple of my mates instead and spent the rest of the lunch hour laughing over the mud man Playboy magazine.

Tuesday 13

Today went out of my way to find Holly. I eventually found her at the water fountain, drinking. When I told her that she turned heads she didn't even look up to reply "and stomachs turn when they see yours."

Decided to drink coffee from now on.

Wednesday 14

_Accidently_ bumped into Holly today. Well I say bumped. Holly Short is a master of avoiding collision, and though I tried my hardest to even brush her she simply sidestepped out of the way. I was wearing the latest aftershave l'homme d'amour (man of love) as well, which was guaranteed to make you irresistible to women.

Now I'm not sure whether or not to take it back on the grounds that it didn't work, but I think that technically she has to be able to smell it for it to do its job. I didn't even get to tell her my new pick up line, "Did you know your body is like the most beautiful temple?"

Have been thinking about it and she'd probably only have a clever reply anyway, something like "Sorry but there are no services today."

Thursday 15

I caught Holly today hiding in a cupboard talking to someone on a communicator. When I asked her whether or not she was talking to a secret boyfriend she went very red and snapped "Of course not". I think I heard laughter on the other end of the line as well but as I was busy telling her I wanted to give myself to her I couldn't be sure.

To that she simply replied "I'm terribly sorry but I don't accept cheap gifts", before shutting the door in my face and carrying on the conversation. I just wish she knew how much all the creams and potions I rub on my body cost! See her call me cheap then!

Friday 16

Today I asked her whether or not she'd like to go away with me somewhere and she told me, "I couldn't go away with you. I'd feel I'd be depriving Haven of its idiot."

IDIOT! Yes, she called me an idiot!

Now she's moved on from just rejecting me to insulting me I'm beginning to wonder whether or not I should just give up.

Later:

Caught Vein and Grub placing bets on whether or not I could get Holly to go out with me and when I realised all of them were that there was _absolutely_ _no way_ she would date me I realised I had to go on.

Saturday 17

Today I went for begging - "Just try me, _please. _Look when can I take you out to show you how cool I am?"

"Hmmmmm." She pretended to think about it for quite a while but then finally came out with "How about never? Is never good for you?"

Stupid, hot LEP chicks, always have a clever answer to everything.

Sunday 18

Today is the last day of the first week and Holly is still showing no signs of giving. I'm going to try to grab her as she leaves Police Plaza at the end of the day, she might be tired and just give in.

Later:

I managed to catch her but she is obviously not going to just give in, when asked her whether or not she would like to go her place or mine and she said without breaking stride, "Both, you go your place and I go mine."

I'm beginning to wonder whether or not I should place a bet on her not dating me as well, I'm a bit broke this week.

Monday 19

Today is the start of a new week and I can't believe I would actually think of placing a bet on her not dating me! I re-read the book and have a whole load of new pick up lines to try out on Little Miss I Couldn't Care Less.

Later:

Foaly was giving out new equipment with a better navigation so I took my chance and told Holly I would go to the end of the earth for her. She grinned at Foaly before looking back at me and saying, "Yes, but the real question is would you stay there?"

We nearly had a dead centaur on our hands he laughed so hard.

Sometimes Foaly is such a pain.

Tuesday 20

I cannot believe Holly is still resisting my charms, I'm _the _Chix Verbil, the guy everyone wants to dance with at the prom, and then along comes this fit LEP chick who pushes me aside without a backwards glance! I only have (including today) 6 days to win over her heart but I know I can do it.

Later:

I couldn't find her today, I'm pretty sure she's avoiding me. I would like to know how _exactly_ I'm supposed to win her over if I never even see her.

Wednesday 21

I think I should have tried this approach at the beginning, but today I'm going to try find out more about her, which I can later use as an advantage.

I asked her what her sign was (always pays to know a girls horoscope for when would be the best time to ask them out) but she didn't exactly reply how I expected her to. In fact I didn't expect it at all. She simply said "Do. Not. Enter." And then promptly walked away!

At least I could find her today I suppose.

Thursday 22

I'm going to try one last time to try find out more about her, and if that doesn't work tomorrow it's back to the pick-ups. I saw her eating eggs in the cafeteria a few days ago and that's given me an idea for what to ask her.

Later:

Today things with Holly went a little…strangely. I started off by asking how she liked her eggs in the morning and it was then things began to go a bit weird. She responded with this strange vampire smile and voice to match "Unfertilised." I nearly freaked out right then and there. Holly was talking to me about _that_? Somehow I managed to get my body back under control to say "So… What are your sexual preferences?"

She did look slightly surprised for a moment but her answer and voice betrayed nothing of that, "My sexual preferences are no."

I'm going back to the pick ups, this finding out business is so not my style.

Friday 23

I opted today for a seriously flirty look today when I told her "I can tell you want me. This is all just a show to try prove to everyone how tough you are, but Chix here knows what you want."

She replied "Yes I want you…" and there she paused dramatically while my heart, hardly believing my pointy ears was doing leaps and bounds before finishing "I want you to leave me alone."

I had to go see a medic to check my heart was not damaged by the sudden drop. Like Foaly she was a right pain, I mean when I told her why I was there she started to laugh! Some people have obviously never been in love. (I don't know how Foaly got a wife, probably confused her with a whole lot of technological words and slipped a marriage proposal in while her head was still spinning)

Saturday 24

Today I went for all out begging. It didn't work. The conversation went something like this.

"Do you wanna go out next Friday?"

"No."

"_Please_, lower your standards a little."

"I did, and the answer's still no."

This girl is IMPOSSIBLE! (And I wish I'd taken out a bet last week.)

Sunday 25 (new diary)

Today was the worst day of my entire life (Including the time I got accidently drunk with mud man sprits and had to have a complete body-flush out. Not pretty).

The start of the day itself was pretty much the same as the last 2 weeks, I go up to Holly, I ask Holly out, she says no, I leave, but this time I find out that_ everyone _in the entire Police force was listening (and has been for the past two weeks)! Foaly had apparently hacked into my diary and told everyone (including Holly) that I was planning to get her out on a date with me. He had then taped all of my attempts to ask her out and each day sold tickets to see 'Asking Out Holly Short Starring: Chix Verbil'. To use Commander Root's (R.I.P Commander) words "THAT INFERNAL CENTAUR!"

What happened was, when me and Holly had gone through all the motions (today the pick up line was "If you could just come home with me I could show you a real good time" and her reply was "You know what your problem is Chix Verbil? Your mouth is writing checks that your body can't cash." Pretty much the usual.) Foaly came up to me and asked if I would like to watch a short movie with him. I was feeling pretty down that she had rejected me _again_ so I agreed to go with him. When I got there and saw the huge group of policemen alarm bells started to ring, but Foaly pushed me into a viewing chair – and this is the really awful part, _forced me to watch my failings with Holly!_ When I came out of there I was spitting mad. Literally. When Foaly asked me whether I had enjoyed the movie half the saliva in my mouth ended up over his horsey face when I screeched "NO!"

It was then he was forced to explain all. To make matters worse the commander found out about Playboy magazine and has not only confiscated them but has given us all traffic duty for a month! I have sworn never to speak to Foaly again.

I am _never_ going to live this down.

**_It's sad how whole people get torn apart by simple things, like wild dogs._**


	2. Chapter 2: Story Style

**And here is the original.**

Chix Verbil felt good. He had a whole thesaurus of new pick-up lines, his skin was as perfect as it got and he was wearing the latest aftershave l'homme d'amour (man of love), that was guaranteed to make you irresistible to women. Now he was headed over to the far side of the cafeteria to try out his pick-up lines on the one elf that had (so far) resisted his charms.

"Is this seat empty?" He started off.

"Yes and this one will be too if you sit down." Captain Holly Short replied without batting an eyelash.

Chix stood and delivered his next sentence.

"I was thinking about maybe going out next Friday, would you like to?"

"No."

So far this was not going well, but Chix Verbil was not a man who gave up easily. A little flattery could work wonders.

"You do know you turn heads when people see your face?"

"Yep, and stomachs turn when they see yours."

This was not getting any better but Chix was going to give it all he got.

"You knock me dead with your looks baby" he said, giving her a flirty look.

"And you knock me dead with your breath." She replied smiling sweetly.

"I would go to the end of the world for you, babe"

"Yes, but the real question is would you stay there?"

Chix was now getting angry, how dare she resist his charms? He was _the _Chix Verbil, the guy everyone wanted to dance with at the prom, and then along comes this fit LEP chick who pushes him aside without a backwards glance! Add to that everyone in the cafeteria was now listening to their conversation. He was now going to just shoot all the pick-ups he had at her, in the hope that she would change her mind.

"So how about me and you go away somewhere?"

"I couldn't go away with you. I'd feel I'd be depriving Haven of its idiot."

Idiot! Did she just call him an idiot?

"If you knew me better I'm sure you'd feel differently"

"I'm sure I wouldn't."

"Anyway _I_ wanna get to know you better; so please tell me, what's your sign?"

"Do. Not. Enter." She replied, carefully enunciating each syllable as if he really was an idiot.

"I want to give myself to you." This time he opted for a slightly begging look.

"I'm sorry, truly. But I don't accept cheap gifts."

Cheap! If only she knew how much all the creams and potions he rubbed on his body cost!

"I can tell that you want me." Back to the flirty look. "This is all a show just to try prove to everyone how tough you are, but Chix here knows what you really want."

"Yes I want you" she paused dramatically and Chix could hardly believe his pointy ears, she _wanted_ him! "I want you to leave" she finished, a smug (sexy) smile on her pretty face.

He decided to go back to begging.

"Why won't you go out with me? Lower your standards a little, please"

"I did, and the answer's still no."

This was impossible! Perhaps complimenting again her would make a difference.

"Did I ever tell you your body is like a beautiful temple?"

"Sorry to disappoint but there are no services today."

Chix now felt like screaming but he had started so now he had to finish.

"Just try me. Look when can I take you out to show you how cool I am?"

"Hmmmmm," she said pretending to think about it. "How about never? Is never good for you?" She fluttered her long eyelashes.

"Awwww, c'mon have a heart. Your place or mine?"

"Both. You go to your place and I go to mine."

At the sight of her seemingly permanent smug smile back on her face he nearly hit her. But he didn't because he still believed he had a chance. And she could hit him back. A _lot _harder.

"Look I'm a pro at making eggs in the morning, how do you like yours."

Holly answered with a strange, vampire smile "Unfertilised"

He blanched. Holly was talking about_ that_? To him? Deciding to take a chance he said "What are your sexual preferences?"

It was Holly's turn to look nonplussed "Wh-aaat?"

He grinned right back at her, confident he, for the first time in any conversation he had ever had with her had the upper hand "Would you like me to spell it out for you?"

"In that case, my sexual preferences are no."

He ground his teeth. And now he lost it again,

"If you could just come home with me I could show you a real good time."

Holly finished her burger and got up to go.

"You know what your problem is Chix?"

"Ummmm, no?" Where was the clever answer this time?

As she left she called over her shoulder,

"Your mouth is writing checks that your body can't cash."

As the entire cafeteria collapsed into laughter Chix sighed. There it was. And he was _never_ going to live this down.

_**I'm not a vegetarian cuz i love animals, I'm a vegetarian cuz i hate plants!**_


End file.
